Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
