And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Couch. On fire.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
