he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
