I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
