Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
