Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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