I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Two words: blizzard sex
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
