my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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