Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
