Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
