adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
