That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
