I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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