he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize