how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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