Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
