This is not my ceiling
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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