i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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