GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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