It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
