My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
