just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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