after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
