No more Irish car bombs ever.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
