Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
