Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
