You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
