No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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