Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
