just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
