So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
