Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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