Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
