i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
