Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
