is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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