my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
