dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
