I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize