i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Randomize
