Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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