I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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