it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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