Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
