I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
