She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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