This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize