My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
