I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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