yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
