well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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