Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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