Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
