I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize