Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Randomize
