If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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