It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
