they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
