you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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