i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
