Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
