do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
