Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
