Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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