Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
