this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
