Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
