Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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