mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
