i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
