Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
