how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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