And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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