so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
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I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
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I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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